Good-bye

Goodbye.

May 27, 2010 Jesus asked, “Is it okay if I do what I want with Westside?” I said yes, and since then Jesus has been working to help me take my hands off the controls and let him really do it. I think, together, we have let Jesus work. He has created a strong, discipling community of people making a difference in the world through their willing hearts, their bold service, their dynamic sacrifice. You guys are incredible. 

This has been an incredible 11 years of my life. You have been the church I longed to serve since I was called in February 1983 into pastoral ministry. You were the place I longed to be. A place where music was freed to serve God and bow the people down in experiences before God that nurtured the heart and changed the mind. This was the place. 

I first envisioned this kind of church when pastoring in San Jacinto back in 1992. It was on a rare stormy, rainy day when I went to see Sister Act at the Hemet Theater -- a place where they only showed one movie at a time -- and was swept away by the great joy, the music, the story of forgiveness and reconciliation between races, and the transformation of a life. For me, it said all that and more. From that I carried away the desire that music could carry away a congregation and make them into a vehicle of the hand of God. 

The next Sunday our 6-member choir sang. I couldn’t see how that dream could be fulfilled through them. The two men sang whatever they liked no matter the song. The women used to be good but could not hold the key. It was painful, truly. That day, John the choir director came and told me he quit. There was nothing he could do. Seriously, I didn’t blame him. Where was Whoopi when we needed her??? 

For years Laura Geiser had told me, “Tell me when it is time to quit and I will.” She’d been a fabulous singer in her day, but her voice was failing, truly. But she still didn’t appreciate it when I told her. Even with the end of the choir, I still held to the dream that music could be used by God for such transformation. 

Westside was still 17 years in my future, but when I arrived, and you were singing songs I had dreamed to hear a church sing with a band to support, I felt like I had arrived in heaven! I knew it was where I was called to be. Thank you Susan and Sandy for your great leadership and for the bands supporting you these years! What magnificent praise you have led us in and how frequently we have entered into the courtroom together as you led us into that Sovereign place. 

We have been together in this for these 11 years. It has taken work and commitment to grow together, hasn’t it!  Sometimes what feels like heaven is different than we might imagine! :-) We had to walk through some really difficult places. But God did what he wanted in my life and in yours. 

Thanks for letting me be your pastor, for trusting me, for entrusting your tears and hearts to my care, for being willing to walk with me in places where I felt less than confident. Thank you. It has been a growing season. The church council has been using Brené Brown’s book Dare to Lead for two years and have found in it great tools for developing our ability to work as a team in ministry. Thank you church council for your courage to lead! 

Thank you for your giving hearts, for your willingness to give of your time, talents, finances into the work of God’s church through Westside to see the Gospel reach people it hadn’t until you gave. Thank you for reaching into the lives of those who came in through the back door of counseling, through the side door of Family Promise and the migrant camps, through the front door of worship. Thank you for being available to invest your time for God in so many, many ways. Because of your giving hearts so many have experienced Jesus impacting their lives. 

I will miss you immensely, friends and family. I will look forward to connecting with you on future Walks to Emmaus or in other opportunities if you contact me. I cannot call you. But that does not mean that I don’t love you. For, you know I do. Love, Pastor Brian 

May God the Father bless you, God the Son heal you, God the Holy Spirit give you strength.  May God the holy and undivided Trinity guard your body, save your soul, and bring you safely to his heavenly country; where he lives and reigns for ever and ever.  Amen.

In the Arena

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”  Teddy Roosevelt, April 23, 1910

Think on this. It is not the critic that counts. The critic usually stands on the sidelines. This is the heckler. The troll who disrupts posts. The one who rails against the one fighting the battles on his or her behalf. This is not the one who counts. It is not the one who yells against those seeking to help. Yet, all of us, almost without fail, give too much credence to the voice of the heckler, the critic, the one sent to “steal, kill and destroy.” 

How many of us respond to the one negative comment not the ten positive that happen in a day? How often do we wilt at a critique instead of blossoming before the words of praise? Too often. 

Roosevelt, who was a president much like our current one, just as unbridled and outspoken, knew much about critics. Maybe he was speaking from experience in this 1910 speech. But these are worthwhile words to remember. 

Stay in the arena. Continue to dare greatly. 

We need those who will continue to fight for a culture where people remember that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly realms. Such forces are not fought with angry diatribes but best fought upon our knees. Best fought by actions characterized by love. 

It made me wonder who are the ones today “striving valiantly” who are “in the arena?” 

Are they Amy Fiederowicz and Bonnie Becker and those helping with food and housing insecurities?

Are they Debbie Gabel, Lisa Theriot, Kat Tollefson and others working in the health fields? 

Are they those standing, praying, being present in the middle of the rioters as someone who is standing for another Way in the middle of mayhem? 

Are they the police who do not support the brutality, but support and love people who want to see life made possible for others by their protection? Like the sheriff who came to check in with us after my car was stolen -- he was such a gift to us that morning. 

Are they the ones working to make PPE supplies available for those needing them? 

Are they others? The truck drivers transporting goods we would not see without them? The delivery drivers? The workers in grocery stores and other markets? You and me as we reach out to those around us fearful in this season? Are these those in the arena? 

Are they the moms and dads who while juggling work have sought since March to homeschool their children with limited supplies and direction at first? Are these the heroes striving valiantly in the arena?

Are they the ones who cannot sleep because God continues to stir them from slumber to pray for the hurting, the lost, the lonely, the broken, the abused, the hurting, the desperate? 

Are they the workers seeking to serve the migrant community, transporting workers to the fields, taking food, delivering masks, helping with dental clinics?

Yes.

Anyone who is seeking to serve God, who is seeking to offer his or her life to Jesus in this season, anyone who is seeking to love others like he or she has been loved, these are those IN THE ARENA. 

Thank you for your courage and bravery and willingness to dare greatly in this season for the sake of many in need. Remember, it is not the critic that counts.

Counting Your Impact

When God called me to come here, the call came through my district superintendent, Kate Conolly. I had told her the previous week,  “Don’t call me unless a church comes up that has your heart singing.” 

On Sunday night, March 8th at my SPRC team in Banks I told them Kate had said there were no churches open, so they were stuck with me another year. Two nights later, while Karen was doing tutoring, my cell rang and Kate’s name was in the window. I stepped into the small hallway to the downstairs bathroom where we had our washer and dryer, and took the call. As I answered, Kate literally started singing. “BRIAN! THIS IS KATE! I HAVE SOMEONE YOU NEED TO TALK TO!!!” My pulse increased. “An appointment? She had just told me there were no churches,” I was thinking.

The way such calls work is your own DS makes the call and then, if you are to move out of the district, hands the phone to the DS overseeing the church to which you are transferring or tells you to expect a call from them. 

Since she was calling from cabinet meeting - with all the District Superintendents, Conference Treasurer, Bishop, and others, -- she handed her cell phone to Bonnie Parr Philipson. Bonnie was DS for the Columbia District, which was then called Metro. Bonnie told me how when my name came up suddenly the whole room was unanimous. They wanted me to move to Westside beginning July 1st. 

I was a bit staggered. I thought of Westside as a big, important place, making a splash as a new church start, as a place with incredible music, and ministry to youth and homeless populations. She told me some about the church and what they thought I would bring to this appointment, and then gave me overnight to think, pray about it and talk to Karen. 

It was with some excitement when Karen finished with her client that I told her about the appointment possibility. We drove out to the church in the next couple of days to at least see the building. We prayed and felt like God was excited about the possibilities in our lives and the lives of the folk at Westside. 

Because of this appointment, much changed. I came and met with a large group of people on Thursday night the 12th and then again on another night. I remember tearing up at the beauty of all of you at that first meeting. Someone said, “He’ll fit right in. A westside weeper!”  You just were beautiful with your passion, love of music, love of one another. You asked deep, theological questions. It was this amazing conversation. I was stunned with you all. 

I remember another meeting with you not long after that, at which Nancy MacDonald’s first question was how I handled conflict. Perhaps a clue that you had some. 

In saying yes, another change was housing. For 22 years of pastoral ministry, we had lived in parsonages. With this appointment, we could buy our first house. So, we began the process of discerning what we wanted, where we wanted to live, and hunting for houses! We finally found and settled on the one where we are living, made an offer, it was accepted and moved in on June 4th. During the last month at Banks, we commuted Sundays and other days back and forth to the Banks community and began to find our way in the new setting.

After July first, so many of you came and helped -- painting the whole interior of the house. Dian Green was a huge gift in color choices. Many called and greeted me on the phone. It was this vast week of sharing. I remember a delightful phone call from Julie Campbell telling me of their first-ever RV vacation slated that week so she was sorry they could not come help. Her description of the RV and dogs and kids and the plan was hilarious and such a great introduction to her and the Baumgartner family. It was a great week. Thank you. 

We launched. 

I was staggered by the community that gathered for the two Sunday services. So many new faces, stories, lives. It was an exciting, new adventure. That fall Colloquy occurred at Westside and one of the pastors who came told me, “You won’t last 3 years. This place is rife with conflict.” 

I was a bit taken aback. I knew there was conflict. Isn’t there always conflict whenever we people are together long enough to rub off the rough edges? 

But I felt she spoke from a limited perspective. First, she really didn’t know me. And second, she didn’t take into account the beauty of who you are! She said it was a place rife with conflict. But you know what else this place was “rife” with? Dynamic faith and joy, vision for the possibilities of ministry, and a desire to make a difference in the world. This place was “rife with love” -- love of neighbor and love for one another too. Indeed, this place then was “rife with beauty,” and that has not changed.  

I cannot imagine we are this near the end of 11 years. Thank you, all of you, as some have left and others have come, for your willingness to be a part of this experiment in loving God and loving one another. We have tried something immense together and it has made a difference.  Can we even count how many lives have been impacted through Jesus using us here at Westside over these years? We cannot, I’m certain. For often it is not the people we might think of, but the ones we do not think of we ought to be counting. 

We might not think of the stranger who wandered into worship and began weeping and received prayer and assistance. 

We might not think of the woman who came for counseling because of unprocessed grief, on 27 different medications, and left after one prayer time and one appointment experiencing healing. Such healing that over the next few months, she was able to get off of all but 2 of her meds. God healed. 

We might not think of the people impacted seeing the cross lit up at night. 

We might not think of the migrant camp workers who met love in Bonnie Becker and many others week after week. 

We might not think of those who visit the dental van and experienced the love of Jesus through Kari and Merry and others. 

We might not think of those driving by for whom the sign had just the right words on the right day. 

We might not think of all the people who left, even who left angry, but whose lives Jesus impacted even as they left and in whose lives Jesus yet works. 

We might not think of those people, and so many, many others who have sensed upon their hearts the call of God and are following Jesus because of a prayer prayed, a card written, a story told, or a hug shared. We might not think of them, but God remembers them all. 

And we might not think of the impact you have had on me. I literally believe you saved my life in so many ways. Thanks for making provisions to be a pastor who was on the road sometimes. Thanks for supporting me through some tough, tough seasons. Thanks for believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. Thanks for dreaming with me for all the possible places God might lead us. Thanks again for encouraging me and making it possible for me to take sabbatical. It was a journey that saved my heart and my life. 

What a difference God has worked through you. Well done Good and Faithful servants of the Living God!  

In-between Time

It is surreal. 

First this season in the world is surreal and the rioting in the streets is surreal. The kind of season when I keep pinching myself -- is this happening? 

But, second, this season WE are in is surreal; we are to my last four Sundays with you, the last four weeks. 

For me this all feels right, on one level, but also strange. It was two years ago in March I heard from Jesus, “You have two years left at Westside.” I knew these last weeks were coming then, but that does not help experiencing them now. What a year this has been. I’ve been on a steep learning curve for a whole other area of life and work, on assignment from Jesus. Just like every Bible story there is, I am walking by faith between the call and the miracle. 

Do you know what I mean by that? 

We know the end of every story in the Bible because it has already occurred. We can read the ending. But all those real people, living real lives, with real faith we read about, they could not see the ending. From Jesus saying, “Follow Me,” to those fisherman, they never imagined what might come. Did they foresee themselves raising the dead and casting out demons? Most likely not. They were in a faith stage between call and fulfillment, between the first step and the end of the journey. 

When Jesus said to Jairus “Don’t be afraid, only believe.” And walked with Jairus to his home. Jairus did not know how it was going to end. All he knew was that he walked alongside the Rescuer, the Savior, the One whom he had implored to heal his daughter. He was in the in-between time of faith.

You can look at every Bible story and witness this. 

The desperate widow speaking with Elisha in 2 Kings 4 did not know what would happen when she approached the prophet, feeling hopeless and alone. She did not expect the prophet to ask “What do you have in your house?” She viewed what she had as nothing at all. 

It’s like that for you too, sometimes, isn’t it? You can feel like you have nothing to offer, no way to be involved in what God is wanting to do. I know that feeling. Perhaps we can take from this one story the encouragement -- God will always use what little we have to accomplish big things.  

In this story, this widow got to participate in a miracle. But even in being obedient to the command of the prophet, she could not have known what would happen as she gathered jars and began to fill them, impossibly, with oil. What emotions coursed through her as this occurred? What thoughts came to mind? How did this impact her two boys? She was in the in-between time, the “by faith” season, between call and fulfillment. 

This is where we are now. We are in-between. As we part from one another we will still be in that same in-between time. We don’t know all God has planned for us even as we separate from one another. But rest assured, GOD HAS PLANS for us both! He plans to use us in all He is doing. Using what little we have, and as we trust one step at a time, God will lead us to the fulfillment God has planned. 

I keep coming back to that thought. 

People say, “So, you are retiring!”  

“No, I’m not,” I respond. “I am just moving from the local church into a ministry alongside the church in the world seeking still to reach many for Christ.” 

People say, “How is the business coming along?” 

“Well, that’s hard to tell,” I respond. “Slow, I guess would be one thing. But God has opened some doors and I’m just seeking to be obedient with the steps and praying He shows up.” 

It is this in-between time that is tough. I cannot see, we cannot see ahead. That is why in Hebrew walking into the future is phrased walking “backward into the future,” because, no one SEES it. We cannot see what is coming. All we can see is what is behind us. 

We can see how God answered prayer for us as a community, met us in the privilege we have had to be together, and as I recounted in May, we can tell of miracle after miracle story of what God has done among us. This we can see. 

In my heart, I have a record of so many answered prayers over the decade. These are sign posts. God has done it. God will do it again.

This brings hope. I find that I am a pendulum in this season. I swing between anxiety and hope, between intense grief and joy. I will miss you all. 

I will miss walking with you, praying with you, worshiping with you and seeing you weekly and often during the week. All that, I will miss. As we walk in the in-between time, keep trusting. Jesus has walked many, many others through such times before. He knows how to do it. We will come through and be able to be together again. Know this -- I love you all. Pastor Brian

Recollections, Part 3

banks umc.jpg

Banks Community UMC July 1994 - June 2009 

Six years in San Jacinto had been a journey, a time of growth, and a time in which we welcomed two more daughters, Susanna and Gabrielle. At our going away potluck lunch after church the last Sunday in June, Susanna ate plenty of Isabelle’s green jello, which we didn’t realize was artificially sweetened. Susanna was allergic to artificial sweeteners then. That jello showed back up about four hours later all over our friend’s car!  We were travelling in two cars, 4 kids, 3 adults, our dog Tori and a traumatized cat, Smudge. 

Banks, OR was a mystery to us. The DS had told me on the phone there were 5,000 people living there. When we drove into town the number on the population sign said 520. He was off by a few. I then realized why no one had given me directions to find Banks Community UMC or the Parsonage! There was one Main Street with several one-block roads off it only to the right. We came to Depot Street, turned right, and there it was. The little, country-looking, clapboard white building with a steeple church building, another couple of buildings down the street from it, in a similar style, then a 2-story, 2500 sq foot new-looking house, our parsonage. The next house was the final house on the block and there at the end of the road was the Banks Lumber Mill which worked 24/7 except a couple holidays and our house vibrated constantly from it and shook as if from an earthquake whenever they dumped a pile of logs! 

In front of the parsonage stood many church people awaiting our arrival. Karen’s dad and brother had flown to California to drive our moving van north. They pulled in just after we did. We met Dexter and Nancy, immediate friends, and their 18-year-old sons Alex and Jeremy. Those guys unloaded all our beds and put them together. We located the box of sheets and in no time all six beds were made. The women, Gail, Leola, Leslee, Nancy, Sally, Dianne, Kathy and others had put together our kitchen, directed by Karen’s mom and sister, filled the fridge and cupboards with food and tried to make it a home. Linens got put into the linen closet, towels hung in the bathroom, and rugs on the floors. By the time they left that evening we had a home.  

Driving into town that day, the Lord began to show me something amiss. I kept sensing what I could only describe as a split, a divide in the heavens, but didn’t know exactly what that meant. I was used to sensing the spiritual having walked in the revival movement happening in San Jacinto/Hemet. I began to ask around and soon discovered prior to 1981 the Banks UMC had been the only church in the community and a group of the folk in a Bible Study had experienced a spiritual awakening, speaking in tongues, seeing visions, and dreaming dreams. They came out strongly that everyone needed to experience the Holy Spirit as they did, and got crossways with the pastor at the time. The result was this spiritually energized group split within two years from the Banks UMC to form their own church. The group that split off then splintered into four groups. Since then, the other three had died out, and the one other church, “Dayspring Christian Fellowship,” remained. 

It had been about 12 years since all this took place. I began to work for unity, to bring forgiveness and reconciliation between those on both sides of the divide. Part of this was to ask forgiveness on behalf of the pastor who had failed the original group who left. I did this on a Sunday visiting their church and their pastor, Skip Heiney, came and did the same with ours. He and I joined forces to bring unity to Banks sponsoring many joint worship opportunities and ministries. We also brought together anyone still harboring any resentment and hurt from the split to bring healing. It was an effort in reconciliation. God worked through this, although some still said they felt there was nothing to reconcile! Skip and I bonded through this time. He’s the one who walked the Camino ahead of me in 2013 and it was his telling me of their journey which lit the fire in my heart to take sabbatical. 

We served in Banks for 15 years. By the time we moved, Anna had traveled to Brazil and Peru on Mission trips, graduated from college in Canada and was living in Peru as a missionary pastor in a local church. Grace had served as a missionary in an Albanian Orphanage for a month and spent a year working with a youth mission organization in Texas, and was living locally enrolled at Portland State as a piano performance major and doing hair to pay off school. Susanna had done mission work in Australia, New Zealand and Peru, and was starting her third year of college in Michigan and Gabrielle had served for a month in Botswana, and left for school in California, the same fall after our summer move to Westside. Later Karen would comment, “I feel like I grew up in Banks.” Indeed, we all did. 

The folk in Banks are a patient, long-suffering, generous-hearted people. It is hard to have a pastor come with everything you think you want only to find out he’s just human after all with feet of clay, as imperfect as the rest of them. And I had come from a highly charged spiritual experience in which the pastors I hung with were doing major spiritual warfare to “take back” the valley from the enemy. Literally. Prophetic visions and dreams abounded, specific prayers against specific strongholds. And results of immense change afterward. We experienced the work of angels and demons, and saw God deliver people. It was like coming to earth after serving on the Starship Enterprise and needing to live an ordinary life! Plus in my personality I carried a ton of pride in my super spirituality! What’s ordinary after fighting for your life? Okay, I realize I didn’t describe much of this aspect last week, but life is a mix of all kinds of ordinary alongside extraordinary. 

Life in Banks was real enough for those at the community church without all this spiritual warfare terminology. And they suffered long with me. Some of the guys took me aside and tried to help me come down to earth. “Brian, we are simple people,” one of them told me one day. “When Ramona Snowden tells the story of having thrown away the bag with her insulin in it and gone back later to find it still where she had tossed it in the trash at the bus stop, I can relate. It buoys my faith. But you telling of angels and demons, I have no place to put it.” It helped me. 

One of the members mentored me in my speaking style, helped me be aware of my body, how I moved, when I moved, and how I spoke. It was great tutoring. Some other guys and I would meet sometimes over beer and often over breakfast to talk theology. This group just dug in and really tried to wrestle our understanding of faith between Wesleyan and Calvinist viewpoints. I discovered even though I felt this burden to visit everyone, I like connecting relationally, that I couldn’t. But if I visited Estelle Medearis, the 80+ darling of them all, then everyone in Banks suddenly knew I had been there and it was as if I had visited the whole congregation.  

Leola, now 97, did the books and wrote the checks then and she still does so today! She and I still laugh about how mad she got at me. “Pastor, (she still calls me Pastor) you often made me so mad! But I loved you and I love you still! You’re my favorite!” 

I’d remind her how she would get on my case for submitting my reimbursement form for professional expenses. “Pastor!” she reprimanded me more than once, “You buy too many books!” As if the money the church slated for reimbursing my expenses was not to be spent! :-) As I am giving away and packing up those books now, I am wondering if maybe she was right... 

Andy and Gail came to one of my last services while in California before moving. They were in California on vacation and came to visit. That Sunday we had people praying in small groups, singing many contemporary songs, and one person doing a dance in worship, etc. At the door meeting them afterward they fessed up to being from Banks and said, “Well, you will bring some change to our lives, we are certain. After today, we are glad you are coming. ” Their solid support all the years of ministry there was a powerful gift to us both. Soon after we got to Banks, within that first year, Karen began counseling work and God used that safe place to unveil the real work of healing from a childhood filled with trauma. It took 20 years of hard work to make it through to a solid place of maintenance. In addition, my own work of healing from my own abuse happened simultaneously and as you know continued as I was with you here. So, need I say it, we were often a mess!

Through all this, Andy and Gail were solid. Whatever they thought of all we told them, they just were there, like Jesus’ sentries, praying, believing, loving, holding. It was remarkable, for I am certain they did not have a place to put much of what we were walking through.

In Banks at home, we homeschooled our children, Karen tutored other children, taught English, Math, History and other subjects for several years at Banks Christian Academy, and ended up also homeschooling many other local children as well. One year we had 6 additional kids in our “one room schoolhouse” in the parsonage living room! 

At church the folk of Banks caught such a vision for their community. They went door-to-door handing out loafs of bread and welcome packets to all those moving into what was called the “New Development,” a housing tract of 2500 homes that began going in in 1994. They started home bible studies and prayer groups. They established a “House of Prayer,” setting aside a building on our property for a 24/7 prayer ministry. This never took hold. They taught release-time education for years joined by other congregations for public school kids and started a local food bank that has now moved to one of the church buildings. Anna introduced Operation Christmas Child and we collected and delivered 100s of boxes year by year, and this then expanded to them becoming a collection station for over 1200-1500 boxes a year. We sponsored joint youth ministries, prayer ministries, local clergy gatherings as new local congregations moved into the community. One of our members started his own outreach and local church to the biker community which is ongoing. 

In addition, they were steady and supportive of every aspect of our lives at the parsonage. A guy who worked at the lumber mill would bring logs and drop them next to our house for wood. And guys from the church would cut them into shorter rounds and they, and Karen and I would split wood for our wood burning stove. They planned parties to celebrate our lives among them and supported the girls wholeheartedly. They even planned a surprise party for my 40th and helped to fund a trip to Israel for me. They helped with school retreats we had associated with Karen’s work at Dayspring Christian Academy. And they prayed for us constantly. 

While in Banks three different Bishops came and went from the episcopal office! They left me there first because of the deeply significant healing work Karen was doing, then because of the work happening in the community, then because I was the chair of the Board of Ordained Ministry which began with a crisis of a pastor’s misconduct hearing. And then the wind changed, the door opened, the opportunity came and God said it was time to come here to Westside.  

Recollections, Part 2

San Jacinto UMC July 1, 1988 - June 30, 1994

Karen and I, with Anna (3) and Grace (1) in their carseats, drove for four days, in blistering heat, from Kentucky across the country to Southern California. We put a bucket of ice on the floor under Karen’s feet, opened all four windows and the air would circulate over that ice and get cooled a bit.  Soon the ice melted, then, we’d dip bandanas into the ice water and tie them around our necks, and we’d fill our hats with ice and wear them on our heads so water could melt all over us. At around 8 in the morning, we turned off I-10 onto California 79 and began a winding drive down through Lambs Canyon into the San Jacinto valley. As we rounded a corner, the valley opened up before us. It looked like an agricultural checkerboard to me. A mini San Joaquin Valley, the Big Valley of California, where I had grown up.  It looked inviting to me, exciting, and was a bit unnerving. But to Karen, it looked like a desert, which it technically was; she burst into tears, “I cannot live here.”

The folk we had spoken with before moving had told her that the San Jacinto Valley was lush and green, and full of vegetation. But Karen is an Oregon girl, and she pictured Multnomah Falls and the green of Oregon. What she saw was a dismal, dry place opening up to her, felt like an impossible burden.  

For months after this she would say, “There’s something wrong with the sky here.” 

It took awhile but one day she called me at the office saying, “I figured it out!” 

“What’s that?” I asked. 

“I figured out what’s wrong with the sky here,” she said.

“Oh, right. What is wrong with the sky here?”

“There are no clouds!” She exclaimed. 

Indeed, for several months in San Jacinto, there had not been one cloud in the sky. 

We arrived at the parsonage a couple hours early that first morning, and Nita the current pastor, answered the door, a towel around her head and said, “You are just too early, come back later,” and closed the door. 

Welcome to town, Pastor Brian. 

We drove around the area, found the church building a mile from the parsonage, eventually met up with Pastor Nita later and then met Helen Reeder. Helen took us under her wing, like lost chicks from her flock. She and her husband Harold had a little cottage behind their place where we stayed off and on for a few weeks until the parsonage was ready. The next night was our first time to meet with the SPRC -- the local HR team of the church. The group met with both Karen and I and the children. After they had been speaking with me, Maxine Divine turned to Karen and asked her, “What do you see as your role alongside of Brian in his pastorate?” 

Just before that point in time, Grace needed to nurse, so Karen was nursing her under a light blanket as Maxine asked her question. Every ounce of people pleasing had been scoured from Karen during our year at Perseverance Chapel. She’d learned what she need not do as the pastor’s wife. I was on payroll, she was not. She looked at Maxine and said, “You are looking at them. I’m a mom first and these two children are my responsibility alongside caring for Brian. If there is something I can be part of, I will.” 

Maxine loved this response and it endeared her to Karen from the start. She would tell us later, “Travel while you are young! Take out a loan and go! When you get old like us, you can’t and you have the money to do it! It’s the pits!” We never took out the loan to do it, but have heeded her advice. 

Helen Reeder chaired this team and supported us as we left and returned from Annual Conference, painted the parsonage, with the assistance of Click Sharp, a retired painter, hung border paper, and moved in.  He helped us remove 6 or 7 layers of old wallpaper from the kitchen dating back to the 1940s. 

Harold and Helen Reeder were in their late 50s when we arrived, and actively involved in every aspect of the congregation. Harold raised watermelons, and we could count on a melon every week on our front porch when in the parsonage from Memorial Day through Labor Day. Helen complained his shirts were hopelessly stained with watermelon juice for he would often break a melon open and eat it in the field. 

The most interesting thing about Helen and Harold is this: they moved from San Jacinto about when we did to settle near family in Oregon. They have been members of the Marquam UMC ever since. Two of my best friends in ministry, Rand Sargent and Bill Seagren, were their pastors for all but 2 years since 1994 when they moved. And their next pastor will be Karen! It is a small, small world.  

If you’d checked the member roles at SJUMC you would have noticed that they had 166 people on record. But when I began an audit I found 35 had died already, but their names were counted as if they yet lived! I didn’t know church membership extended into glory. Many had been gone for decades. When I had to get a vote to remove the names, this caused such turmoil for some members of church council. They felt like I was removing their friends from redemption. I assured them it was only from the church rolls; Jesus had these friends and loved ones in his Hand. 

Those who came to church were for the most part over 75 years old. So, to have this young pastor and his family was a boon. They knew young people would flock to their church because of me. But, of course, that was not how it happened; my age and zeal disrupted them. 

I wrote in the newsletter in October 1988 that first year about the need to embrace change. No one likes change. Laura Geiser, 80, spry, wirey, deeply in tune with Jesus came in the next Sunday. Laura was the one who had told me, “During the 70s we had to bootleg Jesus into the Sunday School Curriculum!” She knew all about change and growth. But that Sunday after the article, she was madder than a hornet. I said “Good Morning, Laura,” and she responded with a growl, “When I read that article of yours, I wanted to punch your lights out!” I laughed, “Okay! Did you want to share more?” And there, in the fireside room, before church ,we sat and she shared her heart. 

I think the hardest thing in life is change. When the normal and the familiar get stripped away replaced by we don’t know what yet, it is such a challenge. We are in such a season now, aren’t we? This Covid-19 brings change, no matter the real source or the truth behind all the facts and misinformation and truth and error, whatever is going on. No matter what, we have lost what is normal and familiar. And folks, that hurts!

I’m thinking the truth is -- we will not be going back. The normal will not return like we might want. And the familiar may be out of reach for a while. Just like for these dear saints in San Jacinto, the world was changing around them and they were invited to walk in it and didn’t like the changes. 

We may not like them either, but are being told, ordered even, to adjust. That’s just hard, isn’t it? I think back to Laura and I sitting by the stained glass windows above us on those cushioned floral seats that banked the sides of this open, carpeted area, near the glass doors with the yellow, beveled glass that opened to the sanctuary. To her the change I called for was too much, too soon, too hard, too abrupt. And it felt like she might lose what was church to her. Can you relate? 

Some of you may have read the Bishop’s Guidelines for reopening. Those have been challenging for many. There are so many things to adjust to within them. And who knows what is needed or not needed, but bottom line is this: there will be changes no matter how much we would like to avoid them. 

The best part is this: together we can change and shift and be creative and still rediscover Jesus and worship in the middle of change. 

The people of San Jacinto did this then. They embraced this crazy, wild, troubled young preacher and together we saw God change us and change the church and shift ministry to a new horizon. They caught a vision for the homeless and began a weekly homeless meal. They wanted people set free from addictions and hurts, so we started recovery groups and began a sexual recovery group too. 

Alongside these ministries, God started using me in counseling others, something I didn’t know I was equipped to do out of my own broken past. But there I was helping others heal.  Allean Stewart reminds me every time I see her, “Brian, it was you who helped me get set free that day when you told me, ‘You must forgive your mother!’” Okay, there are gentler techniques, but this changed Allean’s heart and life when she did. 

Benita Powers, a tiny woman with a bleeding heart for her family, and for others and a deep belief that these people at church had betrayed everyone and kicked people out, and been unkind, bent my ear plenty. I listened and believed her. I fasted for two three-day fasts for the congregation grieving what sins she had told me about them. Then, Jesus showed me some of the inaccuracies and I began to understand Benita sought attention through her stories. 

Preaching in San Jacinto was a weekly battle for me, because so much of my heart was still at war with myself. In the middle of helping others discover forgiveness and hope and life, I was mired in self hate because of the full scale impact of abuse. A friend named Bob Beckett, another pastor in the community, would receive my panicked calls and pray for me often on Saturdays. He would do his best to encourage me. One week on a Saturday afternoon he said, “Brian, the Holy Spirit will preach through you. Go home. Work in the garden. Get away from it. Breathe, brother.” I look back at the drivenness of my heart then. This was the best advice. 

Margaret Miller counted how many times I said “um” during a message and told me! A former English teacher she wanted to grow my use of the English language. One week she told me, “Today it was 28 ums!” Nothing like that reminder to upgrade your awareness of yourself. Truly, Margaret I had plenty of interior critics! But, she would have really gotten on my case a couple weeks back. I watched the video, and haven’t learned yet to extract all the “ums!” 

San Jacinto was a season of growth. Two more daughters joined the family, and this congregation loved being their grandparents. I wish you could have met Bob and Joann Corrao and their 8 yappy dogs, Hilda Johnson, Phil and Sue Allen, Click and Joyce Sharp, The Pisas, Bill Rickman, and so many others. Real, dear, life-impacting people whose lives changed ours. 

Dorothy Lambiotte was a hoot. She was in her late 80s and loved movies. Her deceased husband had run a movie theater back when they only had one big room and it was the only theater in a small town. She and I went to see Schindler’s List together when it came out. Karen never has been big on some movies especially. That was a wild movie to see with her. She loved it!

We attended the Walk to Emmaus, and I began to offer more leadership in that movement and at the Summer Redwood Christian Ashram. The discovery of more of the abuse in both of our childhood pasts happened while there. God used this season to reveal secrets we had not yet seen. The church became family to us, threw surprise parties, hosted concerts of prayer with us, planned healing services, and of course had numerous potlucks. Ray Geiser would reload the dishwasher “correctly” after every event, until others just gave up trying to help in the kitchen!  

During my time in San Jacinto I was involved with a large group of spiritually dynamic pastors in praying for revival. We saw God move in powerful ways until the story of healing and revival got told in a once well-known documentary called Transformations II. Drug dealers and prostitutes were coming to Christ. Strongholds over the area broke. Some churches were overflowing with new believers. The spiritual real became real to me while at this congregation. People began to have visions and dreams, words of prophecy, and dynamic spiritual encounters.  

It was at Charge Conference, November 1, 1992, while the District Superintendent was giving a message as part of the time together, that the Lord spoke to me directly, a word alongside the chosen text: “I have new places for you.” I heard God say. 

I responded, “I’m ready. Where?” 

“Oregon,” was the response. 

It was such a tangible move of the Spirit, so dynamic, so otherworldly, it felt like everyone in the room must have noticed. But they were still listening to Wille Foreman preach. Karen was in Oregon then, for her sister’s wedding that coming weekend, and I flew up to join her the next day. When I told her, she was beyond thrilled. She wanted to move back to Oregon so badly. So, I called two District Superintendents, while in Oregon, met with them, and began the process to request a transfer to the Oregon-Idaho Annual Conference. That occurred in June 1994.  

Recollections, Part 1

Here’s the first of three parts -- a glimpse back over 33 years. 

Perseverance Chapel July 1, 1987 - June 1, 1988! What a name, right? Perseverance! As a fourth-year seminary student, I took the weekends-only pastoral position at this small, country, Southern Indiana church. The church’s name seemed to be my own life motto -- to “try harder,” to “work more.” 

The congregation was thrilled to welcome us, with Grace due to arrive July 27th of that first month among them. The stone block edifice located in the midst of many fields outside of the town of Corydon hosted a dynamic group of people, mostly middle aged, mostly farmers, under the Matriarch of the congregation Mother Gerdon. Her son, Bill and his wife Imogene directed traffic in that church, told people what to do and where to go. He let me preach! 

Imagine his shock and dismay when we told him we were not meat eaters. “Well,” he pondered this revelation as if seeking to fathom why anyone would do that, and said, “Well, you will eat chicken, right?” 

Actually, we were not eating meat and that included chicken, but we saw there was no way around this one. “Sure,” we agreed. When Bill introduced us that first Sunday and announced to the congregation, “The pastor won’t eat meat, but he’ll eat chicken!” They fed us plenty of chicken and in our idealism we missed out on some of the best ever, freshest, home-raised beef and pork.   

In that community was a couple who didn’t believe in the spring and winter hour time change, told me we had not really landed on the moon, and lived without electricity or running water. There was a woman whose fifth child had come when she turned 47 and at 49 she was still mad about having had that boy, who at two was a handful! Mother Gerdon had us eat lunch with her one Saturday.  She served lunch in courses. We thought it was going to be a snack lunch, when she started us with crackers, celery and carrot sticks and peanut butter. So we ate those up.  But then came soup! She served mine in a huge serving dish. Then the main course, and we already were getting full. And I again was served the largest portions. And then, came dessert. This was how Joseph treated his younger brother Benjamin! We needed no more food until lunch the next day! 

At Perseverance Chapel our organist was one of two sisters and a brother who lived together, and raised cows and pigs in their old age. The milking had to be done Sundays right at noon. If we were not done with worship on time, this dear, small, woman with her salt and pepper black hair pulled into a tight bun, a hair net over it would just pack up. She sat on the front left nearest the organ. She would stand up, get on her coat, grab her purse and take her keys out, jangling what must have been 40 keys on that ring, while still up in front, then she walked down the center aisle and out. We never quite understood why she needed to make such an exit as she left, but I began to believe it was her way of saying, “Pastor, you have gone over again!” As she walked down the aisle, we’d pause whatever we were doing, wave and I’d call to her and say “Have a great day Erma!” 

It was my first pulpit experience and my first attempt to preach weekly messages. I did not have that many thoughts going through my head then, so pulling together a message became an effort in pleasing people and achieving some status. I look back astounded at this. 

I was sitting under some of the best teachers and preachers in the world those years, and twice a week heard a great sermon in the chapel. But instead of taking the outline, the line of thought, the point from one of those, and just positioning myself around that for the upcoming Sunday, I had to come up with something myself. What hard soil was in my heart then, and Jesus was plowing it! But it was so unyielding to the gentle Shepherd offering to lead me. Those precious people were so patient! What poor preaching they tolerated! Karen learned all the things she would not try again as the “pastor’s wife,” so it was great training ground for us both. My heart took a little longer to really get the learning down. Well, you all know, I’m still learning.

The congregation fixed up the caretaker’s cottage for our house on the farm of Bud and Rena Mae Reed, the sweetest people on God’s earth at that point in time and by now in glory. They raised pigs and cattle. Do you see why they would be so confused by our “refusal to eat meat?” They no longer had anyone living in their cottage and so the two-bedroom house sitting just a few feet from the pigs’ home, on their vast acreage, became our weekend place. That summer the air wafting through our little house from the pigs next door was especially fragrant. It would have been a good place to read Charlotte’s Web to add a sense of poetry to the experience! 

Jesus showed up through that congregation in their generous hearts for us. When Grace arrived, I drove to the church for two weekends alone while Karen stayed home with our then two girls. I walked into the chapel, that first weekend, and there was this mountain of gifts at the front of the pews to surprise us. So many presents, all wrapped and on display. The weekly dinner at Imogene and Bill’s place was an amazing feast with fried chicken, mashed potatoes with “a cube of butter,” green beans with bacon, etc. They embraced us as a family again and again demonstrating the love of God for us in every way they could manage.   

But even more, Jesus showed up at a revival we hosted at which a friend came and preached several nights and Sunday. It was the best thing I planned and I remember the beautiful night as one of the members of the congregation, another Bill, met Jesus for the first time, even though he had sat in that church, in the same pew for decades. That night, under CV’s gentle preaching, Bill came forward in that small chapel to the altar rail, knelt and confessed his need for the savior. That man’s life was altered by Jesus that year. 

For me the name of that little place, Perseverance Chapel, has been a moniker and reminder to me. I need to persevere, indeed, but it is not all up to me. This life is something we walk and sometimes run in, as in a marathon. But it is not made by our effort, our seeking to force ourselves to fit into some mold. Rather, it is made by God working and living in and through us. When I think back to that year there, I think to this passage of scripture from Psalm 37:34a in which the Psalmist wrote, “Don’t be impatient for the Lord to act! Travel steadily along His path.” That’s the call. Travel steadily along His path. Keep taking what may feel like a “tiny next step,” one foot after another.

Say It

This week when our daughter’s phone was unlocked our four-year old granddaughter Josie spoke up in the living room at her house and said: “Hey Siri! Remind me at 3:30 naptime and remind me to watch American’s funniest videos with Papa at 7:30.” 

And then this self-assured 4-year-old said, “Hey Siri, call Zack Armstrong!” 

Zack, her dad, was working downstairs and answered the call from Anna’s phone, probably wondering why she was calling him and not just coming downstairs: “Hello?” he answered.

He was surprised to hear Josie’s voice say, “Hi! Papa I told Siri to remind me to watch American’s Funniest Videos with you tonight because we didn’t get to do that yesterday and I really, really wanted to!” 

Both Zack and Anna were laughing so hard by this time.   

We all have said it:  If you have questions about technology, ask a child!  For, certainly they are learning the language as part of their childhood lingo. I don’t know what the fallout might be, but I do know that the advent of the technology we have available today has changed how we parent and how we live. Karen’s mom at 95 is astounded daily at what technology can do. 

We live in this really unusual age of these computer-phones, to which you can speak, give direction, and get assistance. Who has not sat at a dinner table and had someone “google” some topic from the discussion? It happened for us just last night!  “Google” became a verb on June 15, 2006 (I learned while writing this) when it was added to the Oxford English Dictionary. And now few there are who have not used that verb or consulted with Siri or her Android cousin, Cortana. 

When our kids were little, we would have the same kinds of conversations and similar questions arise, “I wonder what the origin is of that phrase?” Then, we would get out our big book “Origin of Phrases…” and look it up. In my childhood, the same happened at the table with questions begging an answer, and we would turn to the Encyclopedia Americana. 

So, it is just the place we look that has changed, and that we can simply “ask into the air” and get an answer, rather than open a book. Isn’t this wild? When you think of the changes that have occurred, we are living in what the prophet Daniel predicted of the later times on earth when “Information will increase.” Indeed. Could Daniel even have imagined what would be happening in fulfillment of that verse? 

Because of technology we can communicate in this season of isolation in ways we could not have even a decade ago. Our “shelter at home” mandate has not meant we have no contact with others. Many of you have expressed how grateful you are that this is the case. We can still see and speak with one another. We can still connect. In fact, during this “shelter at home” season, through Westside we have offered two different classes, weekly prayer times, along with other small groups and worship times, on top of many others meeting for bible studies and fellowship times. I can promise this -- without this mandate, we would not have offered nearly as many opportunities to connect through Westside.  Certainly not another Gifts and Talents Workshop nor the Enneagram course. These both emerged from quarantine. 

Pastor Brett joked with me the other week saying, “Now Brian, remember, don’t start anything new in the last few months of your pastoral work!” The fact is that we are mandated not to begin anything new in our congregations in the last months there as the clergy leader. He and I both know that this quarantine has forced all of us leaders to start all kinds of new things! Brett has such a rich sense of humor and joy.

As we march toward June 28th, and my last Sunday, we are on the last leg of this multi-year journey together. What a time it has been! If it had been a movie, the plot would have been filled with adventure, twists and turns, walks on the Camino and deep, rich worship. But mostly, the plot would have been filled with life-changing conversations. 

We know that plans are in the works for a goodbye time June 20th. There will be more information published in the newsletter which is coming out on Tuesdays and Fridays now. For those who cannot or prefer not at that point to come out, please be in touch and let’s plan another way to connect via phone, zoom, or you can come stand at the distance that gives your comfort outside my house and we can have a chat.

Like Josie, after July 1st, you can tell Siri to call me. I cannot call you, however. You can reach out, but I am not to do so. You can send an email or messenger note, but I cannot do this.  I will of course answer you! But I am not allowed to initiate contact. 

So, if you reach out, we could get together for coffee if the day comes when that is again allowed.  But I will not be your pastor. If you bring up pastoral care concerns or needs, I’ll redirect you to Pastor Brett.  I will not engage in any conversations about Westside with you. You get to work on welcoming Pastor Brett, his family, and that new baby, as you have welcomed and loved and honored me these years.  

That may sound really direct -- and I need to be. We must say goodbye friends. It is so hard. I don’t want to, but to hold on and hold on and hold on will do you no good nor will it be good for me.  In order to truly welcome Pastor Brett who has such immense gifts, you need to give thanks for what has happened with me in your lives and say goodbye. 

I remember when I first shared that I had one year left last June 30th, Wendy Pursinger called out, “I am not forgetting your phone number!” That is wonderful and fine. And others joked about needing mediation. That’s great too, but so you know, I am really expensive! ;-)  

For those of you who hate the reality of needing to say goodbye, who want to avoid the pain, who want to ignore the need, do yourself and me a favor:  say it.  Write it on messenger, FB, in an email or in a card and send it. You could say:  “Here’s how I have grown, thanks for being my pastor.” In addition, Kari Suppes is collecting notes for the journals which can no longer be written in at church since we are not there! So, email or mail Kari Suppes to add a note for me to my journal or a note to Pastor Brett to add to his.  

What we have learned this year about making transitions is this: it is important to say goodbye in order to say hello. Many of you have done so, I know. Thank you. For others, I encourage you, find how you need to voice “goodbye” and do it to help yourself really grieve the ending in order to be able to say “hello” to Pastor Brett. You have won the lottery in him. He’s unique and beautiful, deeply alive in Jesus, and in love with the church. 

So, let’s do this well friends. Let’s use all the technology we need to, and every means to celebrate well all that God has done in these years. Then, you all can step into July 1st and beyond buoyant and with rejoicing. Westside’s best years are yet ahead of you! 

And remember this:  I love you all.  

Next week I will share some reminiscences of these 33 years of ministry... 

God Was There

I stood in the phone booth in January 1992 -- no, not just before changing into Superman!  By the way, do you remember phone booths? They were those ancient things, boxes actually. Perhaps you have seen them in Superman or Harry Potter movies? They were these glassed-in boxes on street corners in which was a black or silver box phone, a “pay phone” it was called, into which you put dimes, nickles and quarters to make a call.  This was in those ancient times: before cell phones, computers at home, and Netflix. Yes, there was a day before Netflix! Indeed, in that era, everyone had “land lines.” I know a few of you who still have those. Those are phones directly connected to a phone line that is a physical thing brought into the house! Anyway, I distract myself. 

So, I was standing in the phone booth. I’d dialed Karen at home. It was about 3 in the afternoon. I had just stepped out of the committee meetings with the Board of Ordained Ministry in the California-Pacific Annual Conference. I’d been interviewing with them all day, sitting before the whole board of 25+ people asking me questions about theology, the practice of ministry and my personal life habits. It was daunting. I had been working in pastoral ministry at that point for about four years. This was my interview to be ordained an Elder. They had deliberated and decided to wait on that ordination. They wanted me to take another theology course and apply another year. They had just given me their decision. I felt rejected and defeated. In addition, I was mad. 

Karen answered and I unloaded my feelings about the day, the sense of defeat, the real sense that this meant my whole life was a failure. See, I am prone to exaggeration! She listened. She asked good questions. Then she said this, “Well, Brian, if you are this angry about their decision, I think then, they have made a good choice!” 

What? Wisdom is not always what we are seeking when we are up against a wall. 

When life doesn't go as you wished it would, when you hit a dead end, when the failures stack up so high they look like the Empire State Building next to your small, insignificant life, you need a God-sighting. You need a point of seeing that Jesus gets you and gets the dilemma, and gets the journey you are on.  But often when in the middle of defeat, seeing and hearing from God is toughest. For me, it took my wife on the other end of the phone line to hold up the mirror. And through her wisdom, I began to listen for Jesus. It’s not that God is absent. God is never absent. Indeed, the disciples discovered this on more than one occasion. 

It is that when God is closest to us, oftentimes he is behind us, holding tightly. And that’s when we are least aware of the fact that not only is he holding us, but often crying with us, too. Or sometimes, you might see God and Jesus having a belly laugh that finally, you are just where God wants you to be! 

Standing there in that telephone booth I had no sense of God, only of my self-righteous anger. I had no sense of God’s design, nor plan, nor even the inkling that God was in THEIR decision. Instead, I only saw “red” and my justifications that they were wrong and I was right. 

But God was there. 

Object Lessons

Object lessons. You know them. The ones where a leader usually working with children cuts open the pumpkin and says, “Did you know that carving a pumpkin for Halloween is a lot like being a Christian?” And everyone thinks, “No way?” 

And then as she cuts off the top. “When Jesus comes into our lives he takes out all the things that we had become accustomed to which were not helpful to us being the person He’s called us to be.” She begins to scoop out the seeds and says, “He scoops out the sins, the attitudes, the hurts, the injuries. As we forgive, more is taken away or released. Then,” and now she carves the face, two eyes and a smile, “Jesus brings joy to us we had not known, and finally,” and lighting a candle she places it inside, “We have light shining from the inside.” 

There’s something about those kinds of lessons that stick. You know, you cannot shake them. You leave thinking about them. You chuckle about the idea of Jesus “taking your top off,” but then realize that God had done just that -- changed you from the inside out. 

I find that Jesus still uses those kinds of lessons on me. Week by week, day by day, God uses object lessons. 

Back in December, I took the plunge and bought three new pairs of shoes. I’m not a shoe person. I tend to have one pair of dress shoes, one pair of tennis / walking shoes, boots and flip flops. So, I needed to replace tennis, dress and casual walking shoes all at once. So, I got some sales at this online store and ordered them. They all fit, which was a surprise, and after wearing them inside the house, enjoyed them outside. Then in late February or early March, my toes began to hurt. They felt like the ends of the toes all had blisters. It was painful. They began to hurt all the time. The ends of the middle toes were bright red and swollen. I began to wonder what was going on. 

At a doctor’s appointment, I had her check and her first question was, “Did you get new shoes recently?” And even though it had been a few months, suddenly the connection seemed possible. That even though I had purchased the normal sizes, the shoes were a narrow width, and were pushing my toes into the ends of the shoes. With the pandemic, I have been home more, so have been going barefoot to give my toes a break. During Holy Week I led us in a nightly time of Examen -- it is the Ignatian practice of prayer in which you first review your day with thanksgiving and then pay attention to the emotions of your day. Finally, you choose one event or moment, whatever catches your attention, and pray from that. In that short period of time, one night, the Lord focused upon my shoes that did not fit my feet. And the object lesson came forth as a poem, entitled, “Shoes”:

I bought three pair 

Yes I did 

And found them too small 

My feet don’t fit 

So I find that I am 

Frustrated and mad 

My feet don’t fit 

And that feels bad. 

But you say to me 

“These shoes are a sign 

of bigger shoes for you 

Shoes that are Mine 

I’ll fit you for them 

I’ll show you my plan.“

“Lord I submit,

And won’t complain again.“

I don’t know what this might mean, really, but I am still waiting for God to “show His plan.” And in the meantime, I ordered another pair which I hope this time will work! 

On another front, I made some cookies and really wanted gingerbread, so I got out “Grandma’s” recipe from Cindy Loayza and went to make them. The recipe called for shortening, which I know sometimes makes for a good consistency, but we were out. Butter is my go-to for cookies, but I hesitated since they were a rollout. Karen suggested the lard we had on hand. Now, we had had it “on hand” for a long, long time. Does lard go bad? I used it. It smelled a bit rancid, but I thought, “It’s worth it for we can use this up.” The dough tasted a bit off, but I thought, “It will taste better once baked.” The baked cookies tasted a bit off. But, I thought, “I bet they will get better once frozen.” But I took three out of the freezer the next day and ate them, and they tasted a bit off, and my stomach felt “off” for some time. So, finally, I threw them all away. 

Some reading this are like, “Brian, what? Just throw them away!” 

The thing that was hilarious about myself was that I used the lard to “use it up,” but could have thrown it away, based upon what it smelled like, and saved wasting all those other ingredients. Another day during the time of Examen, the cookies came to mind and I prayed from them, and felt a parallel to faith. We cannot hope to apply stale, rancid faith to life and have it work. Faith needs to be fresh, or our lives will taste stale. A stale and rancid faith will flavor everything in life. Keep it fresh, current, connected to the Source. 

Object lessons. God still uses them. May God keep speaking to you during this time of pandemic for you to listen and hear what He might speak to you. 

gingerbread.jpg

Like Jesus - More Human

While living on earth Jesus performed many, many miracles. These have long been the focus of controversy by people wanting to see each reproduced today -- and they all have been. But still people doubt. Then Jesus topped all of them in this triumphant defeat over death! Talk about the miracle to top all others!  In the context of that mighty miracle, I was struck with this quote by Timothy Keller, a Presbyterian pastor in NYC.  

“We modern people think of miracles as the suspension of the natural order, but Jesus meant them to be the restoration of the natural order. The Bible tells us that God did not originally make the world to have disease, hunger, and death in it. Jesus has come to redeem where it is wrong and heal the world where it is broken. His miracles are not just proofs that he has power but also wonderful foretastes of what he is going to do with that power. Jesus’ miracles are not just a challenge to our minds, but a promise to our hearts, that the world we all want is coming…a world of peace and justice, without death, disease, or conflict.”  (The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism)

Jesus came to change the world order and restore it back to what God had intended in the first place.  Miracles do not suspend the natural order, but establish it. And with the resurrection, Jesus began a new beginning for all people. We could begin to live from a new place, a new Spirit, and walk on a new foundation.  

As we march forward during this season of quarantine, what in your life has risen to the surface that needs to be “restored to a better way?”  The fact is that such a change in life as we are currently experiencing tends to expose what is most raw within us. For some, you might have settled into the idea of confinement easily, but for others it might not have come so easy. So, either way, what is God wanting to adjust and shift within your heart in this season?  Where is Jesus seeking to bring your humanity back into being lined up with His own? 

That’s the goal, right? To be more like Jesus, and if more like Him then more human, not less human.  The epitome of humanity is not seen in sin but in righteousness, it is not in becoming “unlike Jesus” but becoming like Him.  So often the human response to sinfulness, to errors in judgment, to a lack of love is the excuse, “Well, I’m only human.” When actually, our humanity is best expressed when it is exemplified by the fruit of God’s Spirit through that life. It is when love, joy, peace, patience, etc. are showing forth that our truest humanity is made known. 

I think my favorite line from Keller’s quote is the line that “Jesus’ miracles are not just a challenge to our minds, but a promise to our hearts…” The miracle accounts are all promises to our hearts. I love that assurance. What a way to view them. There’s a better world coming, and we are all going to be a part of that even as we walk in this world now. 

That’s great, but when in the middle of the darkness of the world today, it can be of little comfort. Then, what we need is to open up to what Jesus is saying to us in this day -- we can listen and journal what God speaks to our hearts, we can read the scriptures and look for a message or phrase that stands out. We can pray and just open up to the possibility of God bringing an answer in some unexpected way. We can listen to music and see what line of the song stands out to our hearts. It is important to just listen. God is always speaking, we are just not always listening. And a little light from God goes a long ways -- like lighting a single candle in a black room. Eventually the light will penetrate the darkness. 

I’m writing this on “Easter Monday” -- the Monday following Easter Sunday. Last night was an incredibly challenging evening. There were all kinds of relationship stresses for Karen and I -- possibly due to exhaustion and possibly due to the quarantine and other factors. Have you ever said something and wish you hadn’t?  It was one of those nights for me, for certain. Karen and I ended up in a very long, convoluted conversation and eventually found our way back to the ground. You know the feeling -- tension, exhaustion, emotion, stress, and misunderstanding all can make horrible bedfellows in a conversation! Both of us were careful during it, we didn’t want to say something in frustration that we would regret this morning. 

Then this morning, it was light out, and beautiful, and the air had cleared between us. But more than that, when I opened my journal it fell open to a page where I had written, “God was there,” a reminder that God is in the middle of every place of darkness. Reading further in that day’s thoughts, the invitation was there to “Remember to forgive yourself,” alongside receiving forgiveness from God. So, right there, as my journal fell open, God was speaking to me. He was reminding me, “Look for Me in everything.” 

In this season: Keep looking for God, and remember the promise to your own heart that God is working and has worked to bring a new world into being. This new world begins now, it begins every time I forgive, I love, I listen, I pray. God is on the move. Trust this. God is there with you. Believe it. No matter what the true source of this whole virus and lockdown, here is the truth: none of it surprised God, and God is in it to lead us closer to Himself. 

Pascha

I wanted to share with you this week this reflection upon the resurrection written in the 4th century by Saint John Chrysostom, the Archbishop of Constantinople who died in 407. Sometimes it helps to read something written a long time ago to see who a person in another time viewed things.  So, I invite you to ponder this, read it, and then, read it again. It is rich, and profound in so many ways. Keep the resurrection before you in this Easter season which goes on, church calendar wise, for 7 weeks!   

It is called his “Paschal Sermon” -- the word Paschal comes from the Greek, Latin and Hebrew and refers to Passover, and the idea of the “paschal lamb” being offered.  The “Paschal Mystery” is a phrase that refers to the work of God in salvation through Jesus in his suffering, death, resurrection and ascension. For us, and for St John, Pascha is the celebration of the work of God at the time of Passover through Jesus. Read these old words and reflect upon the work of God accomplished for you.   

The Paschal Sermon

“If any man be devout and love God, let him enjoy this fair and radiant triumphal feast. If any man be a wise servant, let him rejoicing enter into the joy of his Lord. If any have labored long in fasting, let him now receive his recompense. If any have wrought from the first hour, let him today receive his just reward. If any have come at the third hour, let him with thankfulness keep the feast. If any have arrived at the sixth hour, let him have no misgivings; because he shall in nowise be deprived thereof. If any have delayed until the ninth hour, let him draw near, fearing nothing. If any have tarried even until the eleventh hour, let him, also, be not alarmed at his tardiness; for the Lord, who is jealous of his honor, will accept the last even as the first; he gives rest unto him who comes at the eleventh hour, even as unto him who has wrought from the first hour.

And he shows mercy upon the last, and cares for the first; and to the one he gives, and upon the other he bestows gifts. And he both accepts the deeds, and welcomes the intention, and honors the acts and praises the offering. Wherefore, enter you all into the joy of your Lord; and receive your reward, both the first, and likewise the second. You rich and poor together, hold high festival. You sober and you heedless, honor the day. Rejoice today, both you who have fasted and you who have disregarded the fast. The table is full-laden; feast ye all sumptuously. The calf is fatted; let no one go hungry away.

Enjoy ye all the feast of faith: Receive ye all the riches of loving-kindness. let no one bewail his poverty, for the universal kingdom has been revealed. Let no one weep for his iniquities, for pardon has shown forth from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the Savior’s death has set us free. He that was held prisoner of it has annihilated it. By descending into Hell, He made Hell captive. He embittered it when it tasted of His flesh. And Isaiah, foretelling this, did cry: Hell, said he, was embittered, when it encountered Thee in the lower regions. It was embittered, for it was abolished. It was embittered, for it was mocked. It was embittered, for it was slain. It was embittered, for it was overthrown. It was embittered, for it was fettered in chains. It took a body, and met God face to face. It took earth, and encountered Heaven. It took that which was seen, and fell upon the unseen.

O Death, where is your sting? O Hell, where is your victory? Christ is risen, and you are overthrown. Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen. Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice. Christ is risen, and life reigns. Christ is risen, and not one dead remains in the grave. For Christ, being risen from the dead, is become the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep. To Him be glory and dominion unto ages of ages. Amen.”

Mercy

Dear Family -- 

I was reflecting this morning in my Facebook Live post from Lamentations 3:22-24. There Jeremiah the Prophet penned, “The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!’” 

I love those verses. They are good reminders. 

For me, I wish I could just live out of the first sentence, “The unfailing love of the Lord never ends!” Isn’t that a good reminder? But, I have to admit, I don’t always live from that verse day by day! 

This quarantine is a strange season.  It has hit everyone’s lives in different ways. For some, they have seen little change - they work from home regularly, and this has heightened that. For others, jobs have been lost temporarily or permanently! For others, work has increased with heightened demand for the services they render. Our health care workers are some of these, on the front lines. Then there are others, the many, many local, small business owners whose businesses might be threatened with closure due to this. And then there are others whose work has moved home, along with their children’s work, and the juggling required for work, homeschool, and life is immense! 

For me, it has been a hard adjustment into a new normal which I was not ready to embrace. That’s why today it was a good day to return to these verses from Lamentations. 

The reminder that the Lord’s goodness, that UNFAILING love never ends, no matter the season, and that the Lord’s mercies are new EVERY MORNING, no matter the challenge, can also be tough to recall. 

Sometimes, it is difficult to remind ourselves that what we are going through is stress producing.  It requires that we look at our days through a new lens. It mandates that we approach relationships with a new starting point. The idea yesterday that all I needed to do was walk from one room of the house to another to “get to work” was daunting to me. It felt depressing! Where were the drives, the coffee shops and the conversations with real people sitting across from me? It was tough and hit me as such.  

Reminding ourselves that this is challenging is important. It is the beginning of health. If we remind ourselves of that, and remind ourselves that it is also challenging for those around us, then, we can offer ourselves and others more grace. 

Reports are coming in that domestic violence has gone up in the past weeks with the quarantine in effect. That is no surprise either but so disheartening for those families and so difficult. Remember this when people 6’ feet away from you in the store seem to be having a tough day. The stress is real and high for everyone. It helps to give others the benefit of the doubt and to hold them in prayer and hold yourself in prayer in those moments. 

It is by God’s mercies, Jeremiah reminds us, that we have been kept from complete destruction. That’s a stark word but true for those to whom he first wrote -- those dragged away into exile and those left behind -- they’d survived by God’s mercy. We are alive by God’s mercy. Maybe that is the place to begin our days -- “thank you that we are here, alive, by your mercy, O Lord.” 

And then remind ourselves, that each day begins with a new dose of God’s mercy. Mercy here is a word that speaks of God’s deep, abiding, ongoing, overflowing love. It is a deep, powerful word that can be translated with what seems to be the entire list of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. It is one of those rich, dynamic words that means so much more than our understanding of “mercy” as getting less than we deserve. It is not something less but his mercies are the force of HIS love pouring forth into our hearts and lives moment by moment.  

And Great, Jeremiah wrote, is God’s faithfulness.  God’s steadfastness. You know the old chorus, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases?” The words go like this, 

“The Steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. 

His mercies never come to an end. 

They are new every morning, new every morning; 

Great is your faithfulness O Lord. Great is your faithfulness.”  

Look it up. The link is above. It is an easy tune and I think Jeremiah got his words from that chorus. Ancient plagiarism, you know. :-) 

So, with this kind of mercy and love and faithfulness offered into our lives, with the invitation for us to breathe it in, brand new, every day, let’s do it. On Sunday some of the words from life that people said were all kinds of positive ones -- “blessed, family, time, space, peace, rest, etc.”  I was thrilled to hear how some are embracing this season. Indeed, embrace is our only choice, but some of us take a while to get there! 

I’m praying for all of you daily. I miss you deeply. It is wonderful to see you on Sundays and during the other online gatherings that are occurring but it is not quite the same.  You are all so brilliant in my heart and life. 

So -- let’s live each day remembering that God’s mercies, that unfailing, steadfast, love, kindness, gentleness, and care from the Lord is NEW every day. And let’s embrace God’s unfailing love moment by moment as we live, play, work, do homeschool, “hear stories read through the door while our mom is in quarantine,” engage with the daily walk of life, and hug long distance.

“The Steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. 

His mercies never come to an end. 

They are new every morning, new every morning; 

Great is your faithfulness O Lord. Great is your faithfulness.” 

Fruit

Dear Family — 

As we daily need to remember that fear is not listed among the fruit of the Spirit, we need to remember that love is.  “Love, joy, peace, patience, …”. Love is first in that list of what is titled not “fruits” but “fruit.” In other words, they all are part and parcel with the work of God’s Spirit. It is not like we have one of “them” but that we have this “fruit” and they are all there. That list in Galatians 5 is placed in contrast to the works of the flesh, which are obvious.  Notice the fruit of God’s Spirit begins within -- it is made “obvious” by how we act, how we behave in this life.  

Like Corrie Ten Boom wrote after WWII (she was a survivor of the Nazi regiem’s campaign of horror), “The world does not read the Bible -- it reads you and me. The godly man is the ungodly man’s Bible.”  (quoted from her book Each New Day).  And what people “read” is the Spirit of God in our lives.  The beauty, the presence, the peace, the resolve of God’s Holy Spirit at work in our lives is what puts on display the Gospel through our lives.  That “fruit” of God’s Spirit, that love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control, all get displayed in our character and the best time to put the fruit on display is during times of stress.  

People have commented upon the spirit of fear that is in the atmosphere.  I felt it shopping for groceries. I only found one person brave enough to say hello back to my greeting.  Fear is not the answer but it is what is being preached all around us by the purveyors of information. If you are feeling afraid then the fruit of God’s Spirit is not being given a chance.  So, today I would encourage you to: 

  1.  Stop watching the news.  Certainly you need to check in on it, maybe once a day?  But friends, there are people glued to news broadcasts in their homes. That is all they are hearing. And that is not healthy. The best way to experience fear is to keep listening only to that 24/7. Our media has mentioned the coronavirus more than 2.1 billion times since December.  That outstrips anything else in history. And a billion is like counting one number per second for 31.7 years. It is this really large number. That’s so many mentions. I know, it is a big deal, but it is also something around which there is a ton of fear. So, stop watching and pray, read Scripture, go for a walk, breathe the air, laugh, give a virtual hug INSTEAD!  

  2. Start every day turning to Jesus, giving Him your attention, asking for directions on how to walk through the day.  Prayer is so essential in times like this. Grab a verse or devotional thought and live from that. Jesus wants our hearts and our attention especially now, and the more attention we give Him the more His Spirit will be free to produce fruit through our lives.  

  3. When you are out, greet others, look at them (across that 6 foot gap) and give them sincere greetings, check in, ask how they are faring, how you could pray, what their needs are.  Just be present. 

  4. When you are home, reach out to people every day via Zoom, Skype, phone, text or email. In times when people are quarantined, we need touch points with others all the more. So, call people up from the church and from your lists of acquaintances and friends to check in.  An acquaintance wrote to me this week just to ask how I was doing in all this. We need each other.  

The thing about this quarantine is how much more people need one another because of it. All the normal means of distraction removed, people need connection.  We cannot come to the building as a group due to governmental policy from wisdom, but we are able to connect. “The coronavirus leaves over 95 percent of its victims still breathing. But it leaves virtually every member of society afraid, anxious, isolated, alone, and wondering if anyone would even notice if they’re gone. In an increasingly atomized society, the coronavirus could rapidly mutate into an epidemic of despair,” says the author of an excellent article detailing Christian responses to epidemics over history (there have been other pandemics).  Find the whole article here

As you start with Jesus and get outside, and breathe, may the Spirit bring forth that fruit of His Spirit in and through your life that others in looking how you are walking in this season might be tempted to ask, “How is it that you have such hope in you?” And you then can tell them. 

Join Mondays at 12 noon with our District Superintendent for a check in and prayer time: Here is the link 

Join in for Zoom prayer and connection -- Tuesdays 1 pm:  Here is the link.  Or phone in at this number: 669 900 6833.

Join in for worship on Sundays at this weekly location -- 9 am each week.  Here is the link. 

You might need to sign up with webex.com in order to download the drivers onto your computer. Some older systems need a boost.  

Join in worship during Holy Week (Monday 4/6 through Friday 4/10) each day at 5 pm for a 45-minute time: we will connect, pray, meditate on one passage of Scripture from that which happened during the last days of Jesus’ life.  Here is the link  Join in! 

Let’s stay connected and keep being the church to others around you. Throughout history this is how the church has put Jesus on display especially during plagues, epidemics and pandemics.  The church was on the front lines.

Connection

Greetings Friends --  

What a journey we are on together. With the #StayHomeSaveLives order now given, we need to rethink church, rethink connection, rethink this journey together for a longer period of time. 

This means all our gatherings “at the building” through Easter and beyond, at this point in time, are cancelled: The Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday & Good Friday service, Easter Sunrise, Easter Breakfast, Easter services and Day of Action, all are canceled. We will be offering links to events for these times. I will be offering daily prayer services during Holy Week online.  We will find ways to connect.  

There is interest in offering the Gifts and Talents Workshop again while we are trapped (aka, at home, with #StayHomeSaveLives) and perhaps need a new way to connect, think, dream and move forward. The workshop is a marvelous journey. So, more information will follow on this.  

I am offering weekly times of prayer and connection on a weekly ZOOM call every Tuesday at 1 pm. You simply put this address into your web browser or phone at this number (669 900 6833) and we can connect, pray and share together. 

You may have seen the FACEBOOK event that the church is seeking to identify those in need to help them get groceries, care for needs, transportation to the doctor, or help with income gaps.  We can begin with prayer. But if you would like to give “above and beyond giving” toward a fund at the church to help folk, designate your extra gifts to “Helping Hands.” And if you need assistance, give me a call. Let’s connect you with the resources you need. 

As we seek new ways to go about our lives, a friend’s blog reminded me of how much detail the Old Testament gave to the people journeying into and through their wilderness. 

There are an inordinate number of details given to specific worship and sacrificial practices for these displaced people who had known only slavery for some 10 generations. They didn’t know how to be a people with identity, with a government, religious practice, educational system, system of daily living for themselves. To us the many details of Exodus and Leviticus, especially, might seem tedious. But for these people, God was helping them create space, create a means to replace their slavery mindsets with a new identity; it was space in which to worship, reflect and learn. 

In this time in our wilderness, find ways to make the space for worship, reflection, and continued spiritual development. 

Here’s some ideas for how to do that in these very odd times:

  • For Sunday morning worship online at 9 am here is our weekly link . I invite you to think about how to recreate the sanctuary in your home. See if you can remove distractions, sit in the room with the least clutter and the most open space. Participate by listening to and singing along or reading the psalms and prayers, like usual. Come willing to share. I invite you to mute your own microphone when you are not speaking in conversational moments. This cuts down on background noises -- dogs, slurps, side conversations, etc. In this worship setting, we are having you download links to suggested music (found in the chat section), which then we each listen to on our own devices. I love watching you all as you sway, sing, and participate on mute. Music does not work on most of these “meeting links” that’s why we are listening to the songs ourselves while muted. We are trying to be as familiar online as in person, so it might help you to recreate the space in your home too.

  • Make a ritual of each day spending time in scripture and prayer. Continue your own lenten practice each day. Or explore this Methodist website that offers the morning prayers from the Anglican tradition. They are beautiful. 

  • Connect with each other.  On top of my weekly Tuesday Zoom call, I invite you to connect. Call, email, write one another. You can find the directory on our website. Or email Virginia at office@westsidejourney.org and she will help you connect to it. But don’t wait: call, email, or send a letter to people in your life. Make time to call someone to mind, write something, and send it as a great way to start or end your day.

God gave the people in scripture rituals and specific instructions to sustain them through so, so much -- it was a 40-year “#ObeyGodSaveLives” order as they wandered in the desert.  But God sustained and grew them even “through” that season. God demonstrated inordinate care for them, even though they rejected much of what God offered. So, for us, let’s seek to be intentional about our space and how we spend our time, and God will sustain us too. 

There is a weekly time to connect also with our District Superintendent and many clergy and other local church laity at noon on Mondays which is a great time of prayer, devotion and sharing as well. Join in that time at this link: https://greaternw.zoom.us/j/894709064  

There are ways to connect.  We will publish other means as soon as we learn of them.  And if you are planning groups, please let Virginia know so we can make those known. 

Grace to you all! This is a new season for us.

Love in Christ,

Brian 

Sing

Church worship moved online.  Sports canceled. State of emergency declared.  Panicked shoppers. No toilet paper anyplace. 

What a strange and wild time we are living in.  

The “virus of paranoia” is much more severe than the Coronavirus could ever be.  It is in the air. My brother-in-law asked my sister yesterday morning, “Why am I feeling so anxious?”  Truly, there is nothing to be anxious about. The impact of the Coronavirus itself is relatively small. 

In Wuhan province where the virus started the reported death rate is under 5% (80,000 cases and 3,000 deaths). Many of those died because those who could have used it could not get medical attention. The most endangered are those already compromised by age and lung issues. But even with those issues, many, many recover without incident.  Medical professionals are telling people, if you have a fever and cough, stay home. Basically, “let it work its way through your system.” The advice is not to rush to the doctors unless you are having trouble breathing. Could this tell us something about this thing?   

Has anyone thought of the story, “The Emperor’s New Clothes” recently?  It is a great Hans Christian Anderson story. It is the story of about two weavers who promise an emperor a new suit of clothes that they say is invisible to those who are unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent – while in reality, they make no clothes at all, making everyone believe the clothes are invisible to them. When the emperor parades before his subjects in his new "clothes", no one dares to say that they do not see any suit of clothes on him for fear that they will be seen as stupid. Finally, a child cries out, "But he isn't wearing anything at all!" And the ruse is “uncovered!”

The child tells the truth, not fearing that he will be seen as stupid. 

I keep thinking of that story, for this Coronavirus really is not something as vicious as it is being made out to be.  No zombies. No meltdowns – like get it and you dissolve. Certainly, I am in agreement that we need to be mindful of those who could be compromised by it. But the level of panic seems not to fit the virus at all.  I keep wondering, what is really going on with this thing?  

But whatever the answer might be there, the thing is this:  God is bigger than it or any scheme behind it. God has this and God has us. 

I loved the word by a Christian leader named Shawn Bolz who gave a word of prophecy regarding the Coronavirus which speaks to this. A prophetic word refers to someone receiving insight, direction from the Lord directly to give to others. The purpose of prophecy is to encourage, build up, strengthen or correct (1 Corinthians 14:2).   

“The Lord showed me the end of the Coronavirus. The tide is turning now! 

God is on the side of humanity. He is answering the prayers and cries of the nations and is putting an end in sight.  The exaggerated fear-based tactics of both the enemy and several media outlets for political reasons is coming to an end. The enemy has been trying to distract and steal from several equally important purposes and issues by dominating airwaves with conspiracy and fear.” 

“Within a short amount of time, the extreme threat will feel like it is in the past.  God is using prayers from around the world as a highway for healing and to bring about solutions in a mighty way.  Even now several vaccines are coming out as well as a natural dissipation of the virus itself.”  

“The Lord is saying, ‘I am removing the threat of this. This will not be this generation’s story, that they survived the Coronavirus.  This generation has so much potential and the enemy is trying to bring the threat of death and fear. I will bring faith and health so that my full life can come forth in this day.’  Trust God’s heart. Don’t react but be proactive in your love and trust in Jesus. Declare his word over your household.”

Trust God in this time.  Cast your cares upon the One who truly cares for you.  Do not let fear rule, but trust, trust, trust.  

And look for the blessings that are abounding. In our online worship time on Sunday, we shared what we have seen come from this and there was a list of many “God sightings” in the middle of this time.  Time to hang with the kids. Our grandson Theo’s preschool sent a multi-page list “What to do while in quarantine” to all the families.  It is filled with brilliant and joyful ideas from science projects in the kitchen, to making a fort of pillows and blankets!  There is the gift of a slowed schedule caused by the default of many things being canceled. Time. Time supplied for phone calls with friends, to pray, to write, to be.  Time given for coffee, for potty training! Some spoke of a new awareness of those who need to be protected. Another spoke of how they felt perhaps this time will rekindle “care” for others in word and deed.  

In a poem written by an Irish priest, Brother Richard, called “Lockdown” which has gone viral, there is another invitation. I’ve decided to print his poem here.  It is beautiful: 

Yes there is fear.
Yes there is isolation.
Yes there is panic buying.
Yes there is sickness.
Yes there is even death.
But,
They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet
The sky is no longer thick with fumes
But blue and grey and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi
People are singing to each other
across the empty squares,
keeping their windows open
so that those who are alone
may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland
Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know
is busy spreading fliers with her number
through the neighbourhood
So that the elders may have someone to call on.
Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples
are preparing to welcome
and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary
All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting
All over the world people are looking at their neighbours in a new way
All over the world people are waking up to a new reality
To how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.
So we pray and we remember that
Yes there is fear.
But there does not have to be hate.
Yes there is isolation.
But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes there is panic buying.
But there does not have to be meanness.
Yes there is sickness.
But there does not have to be disease of the soul
Yes there is even death.
But there can always be a rebirth of love.
Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.
Today, breathe.
Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic
The birds are singing again
The sky is clearing,
Spring is coming,
And we are always encompassed by Love.
Open the windows of your soul
And though you may not be able
to touch across the empty square,
Sing

Sing. 

Wouldn’t it be cool if out of this time, this unusual season, we rediscovered what it is like to Sabbath, to slow down, to take time for the elderly and compromised around us, to reach out, to show care, to be a people who are kind to one another?  

It can be just that.  Keep trusting. Keep placing your faith in the One who is larger than anything with the name virus. Indeed, may the only virus that is spread from now on be that grand, unstoppable “virus” of love!  And may it spread through you and me. So, sing, friends, sing. 

Carried

March 24, 2 years ago, I drove Gabrielle to the airport. She then was a flight attendant.  Enroute I brought up a conversation that we had partially had another day. 

During that previous conversation, I had asked if she had had any problems with stalkers and she said, “Dad, I mean this in the utmost love, that you are the only stalker that I have had.”  What she meant was this -- I was so connected into her schedule, that I’d text her as she landed in a new place welcoming her there, etc. But, her making that connection to a stalker chilled me to the bone. So, on that drive, March 24th, I brought up the comment. 

“I really want you to know,” I said, “I don’t ever want that to be the cause of the way you were feeling. So if I am doing anything that would cause you to feel that way, then I ‘ll stop.”  

Saying this I knew I was stepping into some truth places that could hurt me.  And I was right.  

Gabrielle said she was really joking in the comment, but talking further, clearly she had deep feelings about the texts that I had sent along her journeys to her, welcoming her someplace, etc.  She has felt really unsettled in this new life although she loved the work, and so to have me welcoming her before she even knew where she has arrived was tough. It felt overwhelming to her to send me her schedule, for the result was this hyper attention!  She knew it should not be a big deal; she felt badly about that feeling.  

Isn’t it incredible that often we struggle with “Shoulds” in our hearts?  We can “should” ourselves, when what we need to do instead is communicate.  That’s what Gabri needed to do.  

So, we spoke further and I could tell that I needed to really let her go. I needed to release her and stop holding so tightly. I had been trying to hold to her world for I felt increasingly pushed to the edge. Others would get pictures and texts that I would feel left out.  

Suddenly I realized I was feeling like my dad might have felt when I didn’t mention what he had written in a letter and there my mom sought to fill in the gap for him. 

This was a step back in time.  I had lived in Switzerland, at 17, in 1976 and she had written to me in a letter:  “Next time you write mention that you enjoyed what your dad had said to you. He doesn’t think you notice him.” 

Even then, in 1976, six years before his death, dad knew we lacked a relationship and he knew that he was not “in” and mom was.  It was a real thing this emotionally incestuous relationship I had with Mom. I was more connected to her and she controlled me.  

The pain welled up within me as I sat in the car with Gabri.  I felt a sob from deep in my heart and I began to cry there in the car with Gabri.  I knew I had to let her go.    

So, we finished this conversation with a simple decision:  I would not receive her schedules anymore. Not knowing where she was and knowing just what she chose to share with me.  I wouldn’t know, and didn’t need to know. I could text anytime. And she could choose to answer or not.  

“Dad, I don’t want to leave you crying,” she said as we sat there, waiting for her to step from the car.  I was so upset inside. I tried to just breathe through intense pain. I calmed down a bit and was able to stop crying with her.  Later, I could do so when I was at home.  

Gabri had stayed present throughout the conversation.  It was a good one for me to have. And better me with her, than her expressing her frustrations about me to Grace or her Mom.  

We hugged and I drove away feeling ok but not great. I was not crying then.  I then spent the day with my nephew, Christopher. He and I had a good time. I just pushed the whole thing with Gabri to the side.  When I got home, the pain overcame me like a tidal wave. I felt it so intensely. And I sobbed and sobbed. It was a deep emotional loss. 

“Oh God!” I cried out, “I hate this life like this.  This emotion is so difficult. I am so sad, Papa. So very sad.  I cannot find my center.”

That’s when the gentle voice of our holy God flowed over me:   

“You gave Gabri a great gift today, my Son.  A great, great gift.”

“What was that, Father?”  I asked. 

“You gave her the freedom to be honest and to tell you the truth of her heart. 

You gave her the right to be her own person and released her from YOUR need to know all about her. You gave her -- her wings.  She needs to fly free with ME little One. She cannot do so as long as you cling. 

I know what it is to give up what is most dear.  I know what this pain feels like. Son, My Son. Let me hold you close. 

She will be able to be all that I have dreamed for her to be. You were very brave.”

This was an experience with the God who speaks and carries me, and you, moment by moment. Remember this God in those times that feel dark and hard. 

"Leper Messiah"

During Lent we will be pausing and sitting down in Isaiah 53 -- one of the most famous messianic passages in the Bible.  It was written by Isaiah, a prophet who served during the reigns of five of Judah’s kings about 800 years before the birth of Jesus.  Imagine the shock to him as he received these messages from God about a future “Faithful Servant” called the “Leper Messiah” by Jewish scholars and commentators because this Messiah would suffer and die and He alone would cure the leper.  What a picture this chapter paints of one who would die, like a lamb, and carry the sins of all people for all time. It is a graphic image. 

So, I am inviting you, during the season of Lent to read and reread this chapter. Read it in different translations. Read it slowly. Listen to what Isaiah penned and see what parallels you find with Jesus himself. It was this passage, remember, that Phillip the Evangelist used to convert the Ethiopian Eunuch along the desert road. It was from this passage both Matthew and John, Peter and Paul quoted underlining the fulfillment seen in the life of Jesus.  

Are there sins in your life?  Is there sickness? Is there hurt?  Is there any brokenness? Read this passage and think of what it declares has been done FOR YOU.  

Indeed, have you believed? 

Then the opening question is answered by your faith as the prophet asked: “Who has believed our report?”  

Have you seen the power and saving Grace of the Lord on display in your life?  Then, you can answer the prophet’s second question, “And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?”  For clearly the Lord has revealed His power and his faith to you.  

This week I was speaking with someone who has discovered hope and Jesus by coming to worship at Westside.  He has discovered hope in the community and has felt the presence of the Holy Spirit among us. This man is one who would say recently he has said “yes” to that first question, “He has believed what the prophet has spoken.”  And he would answer that “to him has the arm of the Lord been revealed.” He has seen the Lord’s salvation put on display in his life. Powerful stuff was declared by Isaiah -- the person of the Messiah, the work of God put on display to deliver us from sin, from sickness, from pain.  

Such a powerful passage is remarkable in all that it declares that can be seen put on display in the life of Jesus.  

Ponder this great salvation during Lent this year.  Draw close to Jesus. Let Him into your life.  

Grace to you all.

Think Fast

Lent.  It is a time to fast. Several years ago I told one of our daughters, Grace, that I was giving up texting while driving in the car for Lent. She laughed and said, “Dad, it is illegal anyway. That is like giving up shoplifting.” Telling this story to another friend of mine, he laughed saying, “You are just that kind of overachiever. Most people give up ice cream but you give up sin.”  

At Lent we usually think about  giving something up. But equally important, perhaps more important, is what we “add in.”  The question is how will we allow whatever it is we release to increase our ability to follow Jesus.   

Here are some ideas.  With some there are “add in” ideas, but in any of them, involving time or money, you might think of giving away that time or money to God in some manner.  The bottom line: How might we “let God in” in a new and good way.  

Fast from Media-- facebook, twitter, TV shows, blogs, sport sites, whatever your media addiction is, give it up until Easter (Apr 12) and you may find that you’ve given it up for good.

Fast from going to Movies -- That seems a bit drastic, but so is following Jesus!  

Fast from people -- Catholic teacher Richard Rohr used to take a 6-week hermitage during Lent, nothing but silence, prayer, study.  Most of us cannot do that, but we could fast from social interaction for a time each day or a day each week. Some of you introverts might do this regularly, so your “fast” might be to actually speak to a stranger each day!  Whichever it is find ways to open up to God. 

Fast from Sex -- Hello -- this is for married couples.  If you are single, may you already be fasting from sex!  Common to Christian tradition is to fast from sex for a season (Paul wrote to married couples, to “deprive each other for a set time so that you can devote yourselves to prayer and to God” (1 Cor. 7:5). Remember Sundays are not fast days during Lent but feast days, so, well, you get the idea. 

Fast from Dating -- for single folk, perhaps Lent is a time to stop dating as a means to look at your primary relationship with God. 

Fast from Money -- How little can you spend in 6 weeks?  Other than regular bills, fast from every frivolous expense, however you define that.

Fast from Food or Drink -- Coffee, soda, sweets, certain meals, certain foods (meats, grains, dairy, etc). The traditional fast of the church has been from all dairy and meat products during Lent, a vegan diet. The idea is not to think of ways to get around what you have taken out, but use the craving for that food, that drink as a call to prayer, a call to God.

Fast from a workday Lunch -- Give up food one day and your daily routine of eating, and break up the day, take a walk, pray, read the scriptures, get in touch with God. 

Fast from Workouts -- Take 6 weeks, walk everyplace you can, eat veggies, but stop being a “gym rat,” a “weekend runner,” “a yoga addict, “a regular at the basketball court” and instead step out of the “race” to pause, be, pray, reflect, love. 

Fast from Driving -- for most of us, driving is something we do “reflexively” as if there is no other option. What would it mean to drive only to your job but no place else? What would it mean to limit trips to the store to only one store, once a week?   

Fast from Reading --  When did you last take time to reflect on what you already have inside you, rather than reading for now input.  This is not unlike a media fast, but also stop reading the devotional, the newspaper, and anything but essential reading.  Let your mind rest and experience silence. Prayerfulness. peace. When the fast is done you will learn to read in a whole new way.  

Fast from Plastics – What might it look like to not use or purchase anything wrapped in plastic for Lent?  Folk I know who have done this other Lenten seasons found it immensely challenging. They wrapped veggies in the paper towels in most markets. They took reusable bags. They shunned buying anything in hard, plastic containers.   

Fast from Trash -- Greatly reduce the waste you and your family produces. Let nothing be wasted.  Recycle as a discipline during Lent. Buy whole foods, use fewer bags, pray about what you learn along the way.

Fast from Talking and Texting -- Take a break from unnecessary communication.  Don’t talk or text just because you have nothing else to do. Put your phone away for a day.  Replace that time with mindfulness to God, your surroundings, real people, and yourself. Fasting from unnecessary chatter will open up the communication lines with God.  

Fast from Multitasking -- During Lent fast from multitasking by only allowing yourself to do one thing at a time. The point is not to say multitasking is bad, but to give your use of time and the tools that you have more to God.  Put time in God’s hands by doing only one thing at a time and reminding yourself that you are simplifying for Him. 

Fast from _________________ -- There is something in your life that is good, nourishing and just fine, but for Lent, that is the very thing you need to sacrifice to God.  You may know what it is already, but if not, pause, think, reflect and look for what that may be. Release it for Lent. Easter is coming soon, it always does.  

(adapted from Belifnet.com)

Love Letter

I love you. 

Sometimes we don’t say this enough in our lives.  Like daily to the people closest to us.  

And sometimes we neglect to say this enough with those around us occasionally. 

For years, Karen and I have had the pattern of a good goodbye and a good hello daily.  We believe that this life is tenuous. It is short. We don’t really have guarantees on longevity and we need to relish the moments, embrace the opportunities, and make certain our departures especially are on good terms.  It is better to end with a kiss and a goodbye than a “Good Riddance!” 

So in this blog, I wanted to tell you clearly, and certainly, and assuredly: I love you

You are the best congregation of people, the best group of friends, the best collection of beauty imaginable. I love you.  

I love your humor, your joy, your messy grace, your inventive love, your creativity, your willingness to dream big, wildly, and unusually. 

I love how you have freely tried things: 

  • like painting the walls with handprints and footprints as a picture of us being the hands and feet of Jesus. What an amazing experience that was for so many people! 

  • like block parties with raucous music; 

  • like abandoning the many fundraising events in favor of stewardship; 

  • like welcoming kids to be with us in worship; 

  • like celebrating kids and a shoeless pastor dancing around the sanctuary; 

  • like wild fun parties at the auctions; 

  • like answering questions about scripture some weeks rather than a message FROM scripture

  • like baptisms at the lake!

  • like dreaming up a building that was 1000x better than the old one when God launched us into a rebuilding project with a fire!      

I love your willingness to take walks, explore neighborhoods, deliver flowers to neighbors and cookies to strip clubs.

I love your heart for the homeless and the hurting, the downcast and the outcast, the drug addict and the lost orphan.  You have hearts that weep for the least of these our brothers and sisters. I love this. 

I continually learn so much from you because of this heart you have. 

I love your laughter and smiles, your hugs and energy, your tears and your joy, your willingness to be weird for the sake of the gospel.  

I love how you don’t “fit into” the normal UMC grid at all, because you are outlanders and outlandish together, in the best way.  I love this. 

I love you and am loving being your pastor these last months together.  What a walk this is. Kind of strange and wild, that we only have just over four months left together, right? How does that hit you?  It hits me all kinds of wild ways, as I wrote about that a couple of weeks back.    

On Sunday, one 10-year-old girl in the congregation clung to me, weeping, saying, over and over again:  “Why do you need to leave?” It was a poignant moment for the two of us. I just said, “Honey, just hold on and we will just be together for a moment.  Just feel those feelings. It’s ok to have them.” Then, after some of the ‘eye fountains’ stopped, she tried and tried to get those tears to stop sooner, but they wouldn’t. But then, she could breathe more steadily.  And we were able to talk more about the reality of change, departure, and sadness and that it is ok to feel it and how we hope to work with this together. It was a precious moment.  

That spoke volumes to my own heart too: how loved I am. 

Thank you for the love you have shown to me over these years.  You love well. And I love you. What a good opportunity this has been.  

Around St Valentine’s day, I just wanted to let you know again-- I love you.  Thank you for being the best and boldest and most brilliant of people.  

Hugs on this day! 

Brian